the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize