Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
