were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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