Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
