pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cannot find my penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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