he thought i was a dude.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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