Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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