I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
