Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
