I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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