Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
