i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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