Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
