Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
