yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
