I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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