who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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