I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
