We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
