we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
