I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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