Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
