I think I won the penis lottery.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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