return my video game
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
