allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
