I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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