i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
