i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
