Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
