just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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