it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
