1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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