I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
