Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
