Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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