i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
