I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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