How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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