in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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