it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
