Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
