shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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