Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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