I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
