ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
