I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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