remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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