I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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