i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
