Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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