question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
