theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just invented taco cereal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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