thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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