Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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