I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
