was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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