She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
