If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
