Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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