rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
