Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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