just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
