Cold hands, warm shart.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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