My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
