I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
